Wednesday, April 17, 2013

of broken heart.

I cried a lot these two weeks.
Of a man that I love the most,but he turned to get married with other person.
But,life must go on.
Menangislah sampai keluar airmata darah sekali pun,dia dah jadi suami orang.
Terima kasih,untuk awak,
kerana telah berjaya membunuh hati saya.

Salamun a'ala man 'ittaba'al huda.

To fall in love is seriously something serious to me.
Sebab mestilah nak bercinta sampai syurga kan?
No one yang nak things happen halfway.
Main betul-betul,bercinta pun,bercinta betul-betul.Bukan main-main.

I called my friend after I got a message saying that he's getting married by tomorrow.And my friend said;
"He is a loser.He lose big.He lose big as he decided to lose YOU."

I accepted a lot of coaxing messages these few days,say that I shall throw him away from my life.I shall delete him from my mind,forget him,as he never remember me."Never ever miss him,as he never misses you.","you deserve better darling,dont make him mess you",and a lot more messages saying that I shall forget him.Yes,I will.YES,I WILL.

The most coaxing word I ever heard was,"yang telah terjadi itu adalah takdir Tuhan.Macam tu jugak dengan benda yang akan terjadi masa depan.Jangan bersedih,Tuhan sangat sayangkan kamu.Dia nak kamu dapat pasangan yang jauh lebih baik.Yakinlah dengan Tuhan."

I'm writing this post not to express how i felt these days,macamana sakitnya hati hancur berkecai,macamna pedih hati dipijak-pijak tanpa belas kasihan.Tapi saya nak cerita,how the healing process went.Bukan mudah nak merawat hati yang luka dalam masa yang singkat.

Saya susah nak jatuh hati,dan susah nak melupakan.I think most of us macam ni.Tapi,Tuhan telah mentakdirkan jalan cerita hidup saya,tak macam orang lain.My friend once said;"Kau punya cerita boleh buat novel,mesti bestseller punya".Hidup penuh ujian,keluarga berpecah,mak ayah bercerai,mak pulak sakit teruk lepas bercerai,mentally stressed,ayah pun sakit in the same time,terpaksa berhenti belajar kat UIA sebab tak ada siapa yang nak jaga mak ayah kat Melaka,and bertunang,tapi putus tunang 3 weeks before the marriage,sakit teruk,and finally,ditinggalkan dengan hati yang pedih.

I won't say that I'm strong,but God is always there,hearing me.He knows exactly how i feel.Menangis dengan manusia takkan dapat selesaikan masalah.Bukan bermaksud mencari Tuhan bila ada masalah.Tak.Tapi when you get weaker,you get closer to God.He listens to you,never failed to do so.Saya adlah secretive person.Saya tak akan cerita kat orang lain melainkan saya betul-betul need a hug.I'm not close to my mother,for she had enough burden she faced.Takkan saya nak datang menangis di riba mak saya kalau mak saya hari-hari datang menangis di riba saya?Saya mesti kuat untuk mak.Tapi saya selalu lemah ntuk diri sendiri.And God alaways make me strong.He knows that things that happen in my life is the best for me.

I learnt a lot in my life.Saya suka duduk,dan flash back of things that happened in my life.I faced a lot of bad things that no one ever wanted it in their life.No one will ask for a hard life.but....

".....But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not."

Al baqarah:216

I will never get back to you.For I believe in God,that He prepared me someone that love me,care for me and remember me in his prayers.

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